Dealing with Grief: Tips for Coping with Loss

Grief processing is often one of the most prolonged and challenging processes a person must undergo in life. Many people find it incredibly difficult to cope with grief. Each of us has a different approach to dealing with grief. 

In this guide, we want to give you some insights on how you can better process and overcome grief. 

What exactly is grief?

Grief is a completely normal reaction to loss. We usually associate grief with the feeling we experience after the death of a loved one. However, severely ill people also grieve — for example, those with advanced cancer face their impending death or the loss of certain abilities due to the illness. 

The death of a pet, the loss of a job, or the end of a relationship can also trigger grief. 

Grief is often accompanied by other emotions such as guilt, shame, anger, and sadness. 

Grief can leave us without appetite, sleepless, or lacking energy. 

Why Is Mourning So Important?

Mourning, although not pleasant, is an essential part of our lives. It helps us adjust to a changed life situation.

When it comes to a loved one, mourning is the reaction to the end of a long, meaningful relationship. Through mourning, we understand and process this new situation.

The 4 Phases of Grief

Grief occurs in several stages. We would like to explain the different stages or phases of grief to you.

1. Denial Phase

The first phase of grief starts immediately with the news of a person's death. The loss is denied. The news is hard to grasp, and there is a refusal to accept it, plunging one into a state of disbelief. 'This can't be,' 'this is impossible,' 'I can't believe it.' The affected individuals are in shock and feel powerless. This phase can last for hours, but it can also extend over several days.

2. Phase of Emerging Emotions

Once the news of the death has settled into consciousness, the phase of emotions follows. Emotional outbursts such as anger, crying, pain, rage, or even feelings of guilt emerge. The closer you were to the deceased, the longer this phase will last. It is not uncommon for it to last several months or even years.

It's important to allow yourself to feel these emotions and not suppress them. This is essential in processing this phase in the end.

3. Phase of Reorientation

Following this, the phase of processing and reorientation begins. The bereaved visit places associated with shared memories, recall the deceased in conversations with others, and continuously share stories and anecdotes from their time together. This phase is also crucial for processing and can also last months or years.

4. Phase of Finding Balance

Only after this does true acceptance of the death and reintegration into life begin. New plans are made. If it was a life partner who passed away, the bereaved only then feel ready to accept and allow a new partner into their life.

5 Tips for Coping with Grief

How individuals cope with grief and process a loss can vary greatly from person to person. Some need a lot of peace and solitude initially, while for others, talking with close friends or family or simply not feeling alone can be helpful.

We would like to offer you some tips for managing your grief.

1. Keep a Grief Journal 

If you're not comfortable discussing your feelings but find that there is a lot you want to express, consider keeping a grief journal. Write down daily how you feel, what you're thinking, or your wishes. Putting these thoughts on paper can help you cope with what’s on your mind. 

You might also choose to ritually burn this journal after you have moved through the grieving process. 

2. Accept and Allow Your Grief 

Accept your grief and allow yourself to feel the associated emotions. Suppressing them and diving into everyday life as if nothing happened doesn’t help in processing your grief.

It's important to realize that during the grieving period, it’s okay to be angry, to have doubts, and to cry. 

3. Maintain Daily Structure 

Despite your grief, strive to maintain a solid daily routine so your life doesn’t fall apart. Losing yourself too much in mourning and neglecting important daily tasks can lead to losing control over your life. A fixed structure can help you appreciate the beauty of life again. Set aside specific times for hobbies, activities, or sports. This will give you strength. 

4. Grief Support Groups and Social Contacts 

If you find you can’t manage your grief alone, don’t hesitate to seek help. There are special grief support groups and counselors who can offer support during these times. You can find local addresses through various national and community resources. 

5. Grief Takes Time 

And perhaps most importantly: Grief takes time. Don’t be impatient with yourself. You don’t need to function perfectly right away. Everyone will understand if you need time or occasionally ask for a break. 

How Long Does Grief Last?

Grief can last for months or even years. It is completely normal to still feel moments of longing or pain after a long time. You do not need medication for this, and it is perfectly fine if you still feel sorrow in certain moments, even after a long period has passed. 

How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving

It can also be difficult for those on the outside: we would like to share some tips on how to support someone who is grieving:

Reach out to the affected person. Show them that you care and understand their feelings.

Avoid clichés like “it will get better” or “everyone goes through this”; such phrases can be hurtful to someone who is grieving.

Actions often speak louder than words. Instead of getting lost in platitudes, express your empathy through actions; show up with a bottle of wine, cook a meal for them, or simply give them a hug!

Offer practical help in daily life: the person may not have the energy for certain tasks like dealing with administrative errands or grocery shopping, which you could help with.

Listen: even if the person repeatedly tells the same story over and over again – continue to listen as if you are hearing it for the first time; they need this to process their grief.

Suggest outings – like a walk or a movie – offer them opportunities to reconnect with life.

Don't take rejections personally; respect their space if they are not ready.

Conclusion 

Each of us fears our own death or the death of a loved one, even a pet. Confront the topic constructively: What do you want to achieve in life? What truly matters to you? And how would you like to die? The more you think about it, the less frightening the subject becomes.