When everything suddenly changes from one moment to the next. When a loved one passes away and is no longer part of our lives, we grieve. Grief is the natural response to loss.
There is no right or wrong way to process this loss. Each person grieves in their own way. Often, grief is accompanied by other feelings such as fear, helplessness, longing, anger, despair, bitterness, and disbelief.
During the grieving process, people go through 4 stages. To help you feel less helpless or alone with this pain, we would like to explain these 4 stages to you.
1. Stage: Denial
At the outset, those who are grieving enter a state of shock. You don't want to believe it, understand it, or accept it. Not being able to grasp that someone is gone forever and will never return is a natural reaction to the pain and loss. Hope is found in your thoughts.
2. Stage: Rising Emotions
The loss gradually becomes clearer and hope fades. Emotions overwhelm, and you feel both the emotional and physical pain that unfolds within you.
Those grieving no longer find joy in life, withdraw, and experience extreme mood swings.
The loved one is missing, yet life around continues as if nothing happened. This stage is perhaps the worst and most painful stage during grief.
3. Stage: Reorientation
In this stage, the grieving person slowly returns to their old rhythm. There are things that bring joy again. The outside world is also perceived once more. The emotional turmoil subsides, and you reorient yourself because life must go on.
4. Stage: New Balance
The grieving person now knows that the deceased cannot be replaced or forgotten. However, the focus is now on what you still have in life and what you want to achieve.
Many relatives describe life during grief as being in a parallel world. In one world, daily life must continue to meet societal expectations. In the other, the feeling of grief must be managed and the pain of loss dealt with.
The path through these stages takes time. You should know that it is perfectly fine to take as much time as you need to cope with your grief. It is important to acknowledge and accept the loss.
In any case, you should not go through these stages alone. Allow the help of people around you.
If it is difficult for those around you to cope with this situation, consider joining a grief support group or another self-help group that will help you not go through this difficult time alone.
There you will find people who are going through the same thing as you at this moment. Try not to numb your grief with negative habits such as alcohol, pills, or smoking. Instead, a journal where you write down your thoughts and feelings can also be helpful.
Try to create a somewhat structured daily or weekly plan. This way, you can at least manage the essentials and not get entirely lost in your grief. Small walks can be helpful to relieve tension or emotional swings.
The goal of grief counseling should be to accept the death of the person, to find a renewed life perspective, and to achieve emotional and physical balance.
On this journey, there is no right or wrong way to act. Everyone experiences loss and pain in their own individual way, and that must also be accepted.
Conclusion
From one moment to the next, your life is turned upside down - a loved one has left us. The pain of grief runs deep and it takes time to understand what has just happened.
Each person goes through the stages of grief in their own way. Some intensely, others less so. But the stages of grief are the same for everyone. So if you are currently in the grieving phase, we hope very much that we were able to show you that you are indeed not alone.
If you still feel alone and misunderstood, consider joining a group where others feel the same way you do. Where they feel exactly what you feel and where you can talk about the same pain.