The Eulogy: Structure, Preparation, and Costs

Funeral speeches are a sensitive yet important pillar for the bereaved. In a eulogy, the life of the deceased is honored and remembered together. For many, this is the moment when the farewell becomes tangible. 

The eulogy should therefore be personal and individual and create a feeling of connection between the deceased and the relatives. 

What is a funeral speech? Who delivers the eulogy? 

Funeral speeches can be delivered by relatives, friends, and even a professional funeral speaker. Most people entrust this important responsibility to a clergy member or a secular officiant. 

Often, the pain, grief, and emotional stress are too overwhelming for the relatives to find the right words themselves. A funeral speaker is trained for such situations. 

They will ask you in a personal conversation all the necessary questions about the life and achievements of the deceased, in order to best represent them in the speech. 

If you decide to deliver the speech yourself, know that there are no strict rules for a funeral speech. In your eulogy, you can share everything that is on your heart and what you want to say about the deceased with the other mourning guests. 

What is the Difference Between a Religious and a Secular Funeral Speaker?

Essentially, there are two types of professional funeral speakers: the 'religious' speaker and the 'secular' speaker. We will explain how these two types of funeral speakers differ below.

Religious Funeral Speaker

The religious funeral speaker is typically engaged when the deceased was himself religious, devout, and belonged to a congregation. In the eulogies, the speaker addresses the mourning community primarily with religious words and expressions of faith in God.

To offer comfort to the bereaved, family, and friends, biblical quotes, Bible verses, and poems are often cited. These eulogies are less focused on the life of the deceased person.

Secular Funeral Speaker

A secular eulogy can be delivered by anyone. This might be a professional speaker with no religious background or the bereaved, family members, and friends themselves.

These eulogies are less about religious quotes or verses. They primarily involve anecdotes and stories tailored to the life of the deceased.

What Does a Funeral Speaker Cost?

Professional Funeral Speeches: The Costs for a Funeral Speaker

If the eulogy is given by a bereaved, family member, or friend, there are no costs involved. However, if you engage a religious or secular funeral speaker, you should expect costs to be between €150 and €500.

For religious funeral speakers, the fee is often given as a donation to the church congregation.

Writing a Eulogy: The Right Structure

There are no specific norms or rules on how to write a eulogy. It's important that a eulogy is personalized and tailored to the individual who has passed away.

Writing a eulogy is always a very personal undertaking. 

Additionally, the eulogy can be enhanced with appropriate sayings or quotes at suitable moments. Take ample time to find the right words, and consider that you are presenting the deceased in a way that resonates with the entire grieving community.

Welcome

In the welcome part, you should address the bereaved (mother / father, spouse, children) and greet all other family members, as well as the rest of the gathering .

Introduction

After the welcome, the introduction follows, which serves as the entry into the eulogy. Here, you share something about the person and your relationship with them: 

Who was the deceased?

What defined them?

How did you know them (sibling, friend, colleague)?

What were your experiences with them?

How deeply has their loss affected you?

Main Body

The main body of the eulogy details the circumstances of the death, such as how the person passed away: 

Illness

Accident

Old age

Next, provide a description of the deceased. This should include aspects such as: 

Character traits

Hobbies

Passions

Special qualities

Recognitions

This part aims to convey to the mourners how you will remember the individual.

After reflecting on the person as fully as possible, include a few sentences addressing the following questions: 

What did you learn from them?

What legacy do they leave behind?

What values did you appreciate?

Conclusion

In the conclusion of the eulogy, focus on collectively bidding farewell to the deceased. You may use this part of the eulogy to invite the gathered community to say their goodbyes and to honor their memory.

Funeral Speeches: Examples, Templates, and Models

For funeral speeches, there are various examples, templates, and models that can help you prepare and shape your own funeral speech as best as possible.

There are even entire books dedicated to the subject of 'funeral ceremony/speech' that guide you step-by-step through the stages of such an event.

10 Quotes for a Funeral Speech

We would like to provide you with some inspirational quotes that we find particularly elegant:

“What one possesses deep in their heart, cannot be lost through death” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Where one feels the most, one knows the least to say” - Annette von Droste-Hülshoff

“No one you truly love is ever dead” - Ernest Hemingway

“All things separated will find each other again” - Friedrich Hölderlin

“Sometimes the whole world seems empty when one person is missing” - Alphonse de Lamartine

“Without pain, there is no comfort, without suffering, no salvation” - Cato

“Life changes with those who stand beside you, but also with those who are missing” - unknown

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened” - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“The most beautiful monument a person can receive is in the hearts of others” - Albert Schweitzer

“Memory is the only paradise from which we cannot be expelled” - Jean Paul

Writing Your Own Funeral Speech

How Long Should a Funeral Speech Be?

Just like the structure of a funeral speech, there are no strict rules regarding the length of funeral speeches. However, the speaker should ensure that their speech remains concise.

Typically, funeral speeches last between 5 to 15 minutes. This is a good length to revive the most important values, memories, and qualities of the deceased and ultimately to take a final farewell together with the mourning community.

Where Are Funeral Speeches Given?

Funeral speeches can be delivered in a variety of locations, depending on where the funeral ceremony takes place. For example, directly at the grave, in a funeral hall, a crematorium, a cemetery chapel, or in a dedicated room provided by the cemetery.

Conclusion

Funeral speeches provide an opportunity to remember the deceased with some very heartfelt and thoughtful words and to honor them. The speaker facilitates the opportunity to bring memories back to life and offer comfort.

The funeral speech can be prepared and delivered either by someone from the private circle of the deceased or by a professional speaker.